Name:__________ Nickname: Bubba____ Skeeter____ Other____ Can you sign and spell your name correctly? Sometimes____ Never____ Current Address:_____________ Number of months behind on rent:____ Neck Shade: Light Red___ Medium Red___ Dark Red___ Peeling___ Number of teeth in full grin: 1 ___ 2 ___ 3 ___ More? ___ Approximate size and weight of beer belly:______ Brand of beer:_____ Brand of chewing tobacco:______ Brand of snuff:______ Make of pick-up truck:_______ Size of tires:______ 4 Wheel Drive?___ Number of months behind in payments:_________ Does it have doors?___ Altitude of running boards: 3'___ 6'___ 12'___ 16'___ Number of empty beer cans under the seats:_____ Broken windows?____ Is truck appropiately equipped with the following? Yes No -- 8 track Hank Williams tapes: ___ ___ -- Pit Bull ___ ___ -- Air horns ___ ___ -- Roll bar ___ ___ -- Steer horns on hood ___ ___ -- Musical horn that plays "Dixie" ___ ___ -- "David Duke For President" bumber sticker ___ ___ -- "BOCEPHUS" bumper sticker ___ ___ -- Red Man chewing tobacco bumper sticker ___ ___ -- I love grits bumper sticker ___ ___ -- "AMERICA, LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT" bumper sticker ___ ___ -- Desert Storm bumper sticker ___ ___ -- 12 foot CB antenna ___ ___ -- Illegaly altered 1 gigawatt CB transmitter ___ ___ -- Spitoon ___ ___ -- Mud Flaps ___ ___ -- Curb Feelers ___ ___ -- Shot Guns in back window ___ ___ How many of the following items are in your front yard: (working or not) Yes No -- Gardens made of old tires ___ ___ -- Trucks or cars ___ ___ -- Chickens or goats ___ ___ -- Household appliances ___ ___ -- Old trailers ___ ___ -- Bath tubs ___ ___ -- TV sets ___ ___ Describe your last Elvis sighting: ______________________________________ Did you think the movie "Deliverance" was a comedy? ___________ Have you ever taken a date to a tractor pull? ____ Hog calling contest? ___ Do you own any of the following? Fertilizer hat?____ Feed Hat?____ Shoes?____ Belt buckles that weigh more than three pounds? _____ If so: Have you worn them to Funerals___ Weddings___ Church___ Job interviews ___ Fancy restaurants like Denny's____ Do you bathe with: Soap___ Relatives___ Small animals___ How often: Weekly___ Monthly___ Twice a year___ Once a year___ Have you ever been shot at by: Ay-rabs___ Gooks___ Angry husbands___ Wives___ Fathers-in-law___ Mothers-in-law___ The Law___ Does your wife weigh more or less than: Your guitar___ Your truck___ Have you seen her in the past: Two weeks___ Two months___ Two years Have you ever seen her when she wasn't: Pregnant___ Barefoot___ Mad___ Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?_________ Can you count to 11 with your shoes on?_____ 21 with your pants on?_____ If you have had someone read all the above questions to you and you have completely understood them then place you "X" on the line below. >->->->->________________ _________________________ Witness signature
Contributed by: Matt Freeman