Pizza Anyone?

Hey Comedy Cornerteers! A couple days ago I had a craving for pizza... and I guess it carried over to today! So I'm serving up two pizza jokes for the price of one! Is that a bargin or what???

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME; the author who introduces the story swears it's true.

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital ...

Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.

Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.

PM: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.

PM: You're an FBI agent?

Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.

PM: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.

PM: And you say you're all FBI agents?

Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?

PM: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?

Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.

PM: How are you going to pay for all of this?

Agent: I have my checkbook right here.

PM: And you're all FBI agents?

Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.

PM: I don't think so. ::click::

18 things to do when ordering a pizza by phone...

1) Move the mouthpeice farther and farther away as you speak. When the call ends jerk the mouthpeice back and screem goodbye at the top of your lungs.

3) roder a pizza with Mushrooms. Right before you hang up say, "And please, no mushrooms." Then hang up before they have a chance to respond.

4) Psychoanalyze the person taking the order

5) Change your accent every five seconds.

6) When ordering toppings on a pizza, ask that another pizza be a topping.

7) Give the person your address and say, "Oh, surprise me!" Then hang up.

8) Terminate your call by saying, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

9) Order a special found somewhere else (Ex. -- Call Dominoes and order a BigFoot.

10) If using a touch-tone phone, randomly press the numbers. Ask the person to quit doing that.

11) Ask what the taker is wearing.

12) Say hell, act stunned for a few seconds, then act as if /they/ called /you/.

13) Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you want drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.

14) Tell the order taker that you are depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

15) Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

16) Imitate the order takers voice.

17) Learn the proper pronunciations of Twinkie ingredients. Ask that these be put on the pizza.

18) If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "last guy let me do it..."

Contributed by: David Olson and Carson Bloomberg

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