Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your
mother to hear at your trial.
-Sydney Biddle Barrows, the "Mayflower Madam"
Never say "Oops" in the operating room.
- Dr. Leo Troy
Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large"
or "size" with. "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether.
Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless
applying for the job of umpire.
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
-Harry S. Truman
Never thrust your sickle into another's corn.
Never drive through a small Southern town at 100mph with the
local sheriff's drunken 16-year-old daughter on your lap.
-Anonymous member of a chain gang
Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It
annoys them very much.
Never use while sleeping.
Instruction on Conair hair dryer
Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's
no end to the game. . . ..Finally I grabbed him by the bib and
said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"
Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide.
Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is
in the room.
Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.
Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants.
Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts.
Contributed by: Sheila and Bob Dennison